Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 5:04:45 GMT
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[PTabbedContent][PTab=BASIC][attr="class","appicon"]  | [attr="class","jdappname"] CALEB D'GRAYSON [attr="class","appdivider"] [attr="class","appname2"]jester's den |
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[attr="class","apppersonality"] [attr="class","jdappheading"]personality
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of course you can.
of course you can.
of course you can.
...no. you can't.
[break][break]it was hard, knowing you had no voice.
[break][break]but at least you have the best of intentions.
[break][break]
you do not know the word "lavish". you are not born to a family with a large reputation, and you have not seen golden walls and glass windows. you can smell the environment all around you, and you know immediately where you are; your place of residence is dirty, and so are the other residences next to it. you are not happy with where you are.
[break][break]but you are happy and contented once your senses tell you someone important is nearby; you smell the dirty smell of blood the first time you come out of your mother's womb, and you smell the foulness of her sweat as she carries you which tells of a hardship from birthing a babe. you smell something sweet hidden in all this, however, the sweetness of your mother's touch in general, and it beats the perfume your mother's clothes are wearing.
[break][break]and you smell something else. something foul, no matter what you do about it.
[break][break]you don't smell yourself, not just yet. there is no innocence of youth there, but you know soon enough a scent will reveal itself, it will reveal who you are, past, present, and future. you are a person and you are sure of such fact, and nothing will stray you away from such belief.
[break][break]some things are meant to be broken, however.
[break][break]even if that means others will break you.
[break][break]
you do not enjoy growing up.
[break][break]for others, you are just a waste of space and you are not needed there at all; at least, that is how you see the world and its intentions. you are lonely, but you do not care about going outside to interact. you only have mother, and she is more than enough.
[break][break]( father is not home, he is never home, you do not see much of him, but on rare occasions you do catch glimpses of his figure talking to your very important mother. you hear them, but they do not hear you; you are crying, listening to their conversations, father yelling at mother that he'll leave, he'll leave, and mother tells him that she does not care, but she must, mustn't she? she's only hiding it inside, you are sure of it, but perhaps that is also a lie )
[break][break]and you slowly tell yourself that you should go outside, hear the noise, because it's more lively and more appreciable than your parents' squabbles from across the house. mother encourages you to do so, but she warns you not to let father see. 'he will beat you up if he sees you playing out,' she tells him, but it all crosses his other ear, as you are too excited to be outside without a care in the world
[break][break]you do walk out of the house, and you do go outside, running around and laughing like you used to do; it's all enjoyable, and you play with the nearby children. they play with you as well, and you start gaining friends; they trade cards with you, roll marbles on the ground, and you join them whenever you can.
[break][break]but then they all suddenly run away, and you wonder why; it's only until you realize that there is a shadow, a terrifying one, and once you look behind you father's eyes are glaring daggers at where you are sitting at. you try to explain, tears starting to flow, but you are given no time as he grabs your hair and drags you back inside the house.
[break][break]you are beaten up, and the noise of wood slapped against your bare skin is unbearable. you hear it all, and it feels painful; your body hurts, and your ears hurt. father doesn't care, he really doesn't, but mother is there and she's trying her best to pull him away from you. he does not budge, and eventually she gives up, a crying mess. you both are crying messes. father is persistent and keeps beating you up, even when you don't attempt on escaping home.
[break][break]he grabs you lips and always pinches it, and you end up crying and crying until your throat starts to go sore. he tells you that you are worthless, that you are a piece of shit, that you are nothing more but a waste of space. 'you shouldn't talk,' he screams at you.
[break][break]his screams are deafening and it hurt you more than the spanks he inflicts on you.
[break][break]as he wishes, you do not speak anymore than you used to.
[break][break]
father finally leaves after mother shouts at him to do so.
[break][break]you realize that they've been fighting over father's womanizing antics, and before he exits he tells mother that he never wanted her in the first place. he sneers at you before he is gone from your sight forever. it does not change what has been done; you cannot speak anymore, you do not have the courage to. your throat is damaged by the immense torture you have dealt with from when you were younger, and you regret ever going outside for even once.
[break][break]mother embraces you and tells you it's alright, nothing bad will happen anymore. and you find her telling the truth.
[break][break]you stay home at all times after everything that happens. you do not go outside, even as your new friends ask you if you would be playing; other days, mother would invite them in, and they are happy to be there. it breaks their heart to see you in such a dire condition, but they know you are strong, and they keep you happy while they spend time with you.
[break][break]so many things happen all in a blue, one of them being your first meeting with your familiar; the bird was headstrong, calculating, and very understanding; she knows what you have gone through, and she dares not question it, instead communicating with you through thoughts. she tells others what you mean to say, and you are thankful to have a familiar as understanding as she is.
[break][break]it is also sad truth that you would be moving out of home to start anew.
[break][break]you leave old friends behind, and they are sad about such fact, yet you knew they are happy for your future. it makes you nervous, however. a new life means new people, new places to visit, new dreams to explore. your mother always reassures you that it is fine, you will take care of yourself. there is nothing to worry about.
[break][break]you see the past leaving your very fingertips, and let present take its place.
[break][break]
the new city -- sundial -- was not a place you were easily accustomed to.
[break][break]at first, you think it was easy. try to converse, make new friends. but you find it difficult. schoolmates and classmates alike appreciate your very presence, but they have a hard time talking to you, so you simply stay silent and listen to conversations from the corner. you make new friends, though, that is for sure, but to you it almost seems like you are being a burden to them. they prove you otherwise, however.
[break][break]you slowly realize -- in denial -- that even without a voice, you are still understood by people.
[break][break]your mother is still there to encourage you, and so is aria, your familiar. it keeps you going, encourages you to do more, and you realize that you are capable. you discover that witches are placed in covens in sundial; and so you are admitted a fledgling to the liveliest coven of all, the home of jesters.
[break][break]your voice disappears to the void forever, and it can never be recovered.
[break][break]but it is replaced by a life so much better than the last, and your problems have long since been forgotten.
[break][break]
yes you are. very much so.
[break][break]you leave so much behind you, but it was all worth it in the end.
can you see?
of course you can.
can you hear?
of course you can.
can you smell?
of course you can.
can you speak?
...no. you can't.
[break][break]it was hard, knowing you had no voice.
[break][break]but at least you have the best of intentions.
[break][break]
i smell the air
my home in itself is sickening
you do not know the word "lavish". you are not born to a family with a large reputation, and you have not seen golden walls and glass windows. you can smell the environment all around you, and you know immediately where you are; your place of residence is dirty, and so are the other residences next to it. you are not happy with where you are.
[break][break]but you are happy and contented once your senses tell you someone important is nearby; you smell the dirty smell of blood the first time you come out of your mother's womb, and you smell the foulness of her sweat as she carries you which tells of a hardship from birthing a babe. you smell something sweet hidden in all this, however, the sweetness of your mother's touch in general, and it beats the perfume your mother's clothes are wearing.
[break][break]and you smell something else. something foul, no matter what you do about it.
[break][break]you don't smell yourself, not just yet. there is no innocence of youth there, but you know soon enough a scent will reveal itself, it will reveal who you are, past, present, and future. you are a person and you are sure of such fact, and nothing will stray you away from such belief.
[break][break]some things are meant to be broken, however.
[break][break]even if that means others will break you.
[break][break]
i hear the words
one of them is tempted to leave
you do not enjoy growing up.
[break][break]for others, you are just a waste of space and you are not needed there at all; at least, that is how you see the world and its intentions. you are lonely, but you do not care about going outside to interact. you only have mother, and she is more than enough.
[break][break]( father is not home, he is never home, you do not see much of him, but on rare occasions you do catch glimpses of his figure talking to your very important mother. you hear them, but they do not hear you; you are crying, listening to their conversations, father yelling at mother that he'll leave, he'll leave, and mother tells him that she does not care, but she must, mustn't she? she's only hiding it inside, you are sure of it, but perhaps that is also a lie )
[break][break]and you slowly tell yourself that you should go outside, hear the noise, because it's more lively and more appreciable than your parents' squabbles from across the house. mother encourages you to do so, but she warns you not to let father see. 'he will beat you up if he sees you playing out,' she tells him, but it all crosses his other ear, as you are too excited to be outside without a care in the world
[break][break]you do walk out of the house, and you do go outside, running around and laughing like you used to do; it's all enjoyable, and you play with the nearby children. they play with you as well, and you start gaining friends; they trade cards with you, roll marbles on the ground, and you join them whenever you can.
[break][break]but then they all suddenly run away, and you wonder why; it's only until you realize that there is a shadow, a terrifying one, and once you look behind you father's eyes are glaring daggers at where you are sitting at. you try to explain, tears starting to flow, but you are given no time as he grabs your hair and drags you back inside the house.
[break][break]you are beaten up, and the noise of wood slapped against your bare skin is unbearable. you hear it all, and it feels painful; your body hurts, and your ears hurt. father doesn't care, he really doesn't, but mother is there and she's trying her best to pull him away from you. he does not budge, and eventually she gives up, a crying mess. you both are crying messes. father is persistent and keeps beating you up, even when you don't attempt on escaping home.
[break][break]he grabs you lips and always pinches it, and you end up crying and crying until your throat starts to go sore. he tells you that you are worthless, that you are a piece of shit, that you are nothing more but a waste of space. 'you shouldn't talk,' he screams at you.
[break][break]his screams are deafening and it hurt you more than the spanks he inflicts on you.
[break][break]as he wishes, you do not speak anymore than you used to.
[break][break]
i see it all
the events transpire before my eyes
father finally leaves after mother shouts at him to do so.
[break][break]you realize that they've been fighting over father's womanizing antics, and before he exits he tells mother that he never wanted her in the first place. he sneers at you before he is gone from your sight forever. it does not change what has been done; you cannot speak anymore, you do not have the courage to. your throat is damaged by the immense torture you have dealt with from when you were younger, and you regret ever going outside for even once.
[break][break]mother embraces you and tells you it's alright, nothing bad will happen anymore. and you find her telling the truth.
[break][break]you stay home at all times after everything that happens. you do not go outside, even as your new friends ask you if you would be playing; other days, mother would invite them in, and they are happy to be there. it breaks their heart to see you in such a dire condition, but they know you are strong, and they keep you happy while they spend time with you.
[break][break]so many things happen all in a blue, one of them being your first meeting with your familiar; the bird was headstrong, calculating, and very understanding; she knows what you have gone through, and she dares not question it, instead communicating with you through thoughts. she tells others what you mean to say, and you are thankful to have a familiar as understanding as she is.
[break][break]it is also sad truth that you would be moving out of home to start anew.
[break][break]you leave old friends behind, and they are sad about such fact, yet you knew they are happy for your future. it makes you nervous, however. a new life means new people, new places to visit, new dreams to explore. your mother always reassures you that it is fine, you will take care of yourself. there is nothing to worry about.
[break][break]you see the past leaving your very fingertips, and let present take its place.
[break][break]
my voice disappears
but someone else talks for me
the new city -- sundial -- was not a place you were easily accustomed to.
[break][break]at first, you think it was easy. try to converse, make new friends. but you find it difficult. schoolmates and classmates alike appreciate your very presence, but they have a hard time talking to you, so you simply stay silent and listen to conversations from the corner. you make new friends, though, that is for sure, but to you it almost seems like you are being a burden to them. they prove you otherwise, however.
[break][break]you slowly realize -- in denial -- that even without a voice, you are still understood by people.
[break][break]your mother is still there to encourage you, and so is aria, your familiar. it keeps you going, encourages you to do more, and you realize that you are capable. you discover that witches are placed in covens in sundial; and so you are admitted a fledgling to the liveliest coven of all, the home of jesters.
[break][break]your voice disappears to the void forever, and it can never be recovered.
[break][break]but it is replaced by a life so much better than the last, and your problems have long since been forgotten.
[break][break]
are you contented, even without a voice?
yes you are. very much so.
[break][break]you leave so much behind you, but it was all worth it in the end.
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[attr="class","jdappoocbasic"] age13 pronounsshe/her time zoneutc (Philippine Time Zone) where did you come from?Davao, Philippines | [attr="class","appbasic4"]
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