[attr="class","jdappbody2"]

[attr="class","jdappbody3"]

for all the years,

i've known, this has had my heart

smoke alighted in the dusty red of the dusk, insidious in constitution as it climbed higher and higher, presiding over the commotion below with jovial cackles. he recalled being cradled in tightly clasped arms, face pressed against his uncle’s chest, and ezra mumbled prayers, mouth inaudibly crafting syllables that never breached the moment. prior to the chaos of the fire, he pictured death as serenity, expressions frozen for eternity, petrified by the stillness of the deceased body. no one bothered to explain that death was ugly, that death was impartial and merciless. shed tears and pretty pleads did not sway the demon, though he endeavored, chanting a looping mantra in his mind until exhaustion tugged at his limbs, leaving him slumped and listless in the embrace of his uncle, whose grief was palpable despite the slim chance of survival. hoping was a waste of energy.
[break][break]
the funeral for his parents was a farce. their reputation incited people to attend, as they originated from affluent families that kept a firm reign upon their assets, and as the event occurred on a business day during prime investment hours, no one bothered to attend, preferring to toss themselves further into their affairs versus praising the existence of their departed relatives. he did not begrudge them, kept the disappointment locked inside his heart and smile painted across his mien.

nobody knows,

nobody knows, and i was dancing in the rain

uprooting from his childhood home felt like the funeral march reenacted. he abandoned familiarity for the oddity of being dependent upon his uncle, who never desired to be a parental figure, and they stumbled together, banging knees and courting bruises until they discovered a rhythm that suited them. the journey was not easy, lending itself to a race that he could not view the finish line of, feet moving and lungs heaving as the distance crawled by. he was never quite fast enough; he was not good enough. guilt bubbled in his chest, a harrowing emotion that dug claws into his heart and suffocated him when nightmares roused him from slumber. monsters of his own reckoning dogged his steps until tears became the language that they learned to comprehend.
[break][break]
and despite the rocky beginning, they survived, struggling through the wreckage of a future ripped from underneath their feet to reclaim their self-confidence and sense of control. he fought for control, dug his nails in and screamed until he was awarded a sense of responsibility. it started with dance lessons, physical exercise that granted him respite from everything, though it transitioned to his sense of aesthetic and personal style. he was himself.
[break][break]
his uncle laughed uproariously when ezra attended a family event with his frame hugged by the silky fabric of a designer dress, but ezra committed, held his head high and strutted when he used to shuffle through the shadows, a perpetual wallflower that was overlooked and brushed aside because he was nothing after the demise of his parents. no one could rob him of his convictions. he embraced himself in its multi-faceted entirety, though they tried. they considered themselves the ultimate power in the puzzle of his life, but he denied them, relied upon his uncle for support and trampled upon their endeavors, upon their wants.

i felt alive,

and i can't complain. but now take me home.

eventually, his realm expanded, broadened to include a spirited youth that wept freely and utilized angry fists to protect himself. charmed by their differences, ezra was enamored from the telltale stages of acquaintanceship, seeking the bloodied knuckles and bruised body to heal with tender touches, fleeting contact that transitioned from salvation to companionship. their interaction hinged upon mutual gain until stretching band-aids across scratches became routine, subconscious actions taken alongside muttered complaints that hinted toward abject concern. he giggled gleefully when his uncle demanded to meet his friend and dragged the protesting youth into his home, resulting in the kick start required to stride across the invisible threshold that tethered them to uncertainty.
[break][break]
happiness suited him. beaming grins and bright eyes meshed with the subtle femininity of his features, but as they approached adulthood, his friend departed from his side, fleeing into the unknown and leaving him to nurture a broken heart. he cried, wept bitter tears that tasted of defeat. love floundered in his chest until his fragmented armor lowered, trapping the sentiments underneath a fragile barrier, and he tossed their memories into a box, shoved them underneath his bed and prepared to step into the turmoil of thriving despite the pain of his aching heart.
[break][break]
drowning resembled breathing in the aftermath.
[break][break]
but inaction was permitted for only a moment, a chance to grieve for fractured daydreams. his uncle kept him from succumbing. he appreciated the man for pushing, for prying until he deigned to grasp his goal with trembling fingers, striding into the dawn with his shoulders slumped and determination set in his gaze.

take me home

where i belong. i got no other place to go.

history reported his family’s inclination toward joining the helios knights, having a reputation for being sterling residents; however, he refused to be acquainted to them, to be judged by their standards. ezra debated his choices with a solemnity that bordered on nonsensical. questions and doubts floated in his mind, even as he joined the joker’s den, enthralled by the relaxed nature of the coven. he thought that they offered the support necessary for him to address his plan for being a dancer, twining illusions with entertainment in a display of magic and self-expression.