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the first time you see the cat you are tired and it sits on the top of the signpost, tail flicking, yellow eyes glowing. they shine like golden lamps, like the sun, which is just coming up. you'd like to think it speaks to you, says everything is going to be alright. tells you to watch the sunrise. which you do.[break][break]

then you go home, skinned knees, bruised knuckles, leaves in your hair. father catches you before you take two steps and snarls at you for your irresponsibility; it is no way for an heir to behave. it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. but, you say, silently, into your own mind, i am not the heir. you do not speak aloud. all wise men keep their mouths shut around the tigers.[break][break]

the second time you see the cat it is in a dream. it is the type of dream where down is up, the sky is the shade of blue-black bruises / purple-red scars / green-yellow antiseptic, and you are underwater but you don't need to breathe. still, you are walking, not swimming, and the cat walks next to you. you tell the cat about how you want the world. the cat has too many secrets to finish telling you by the time you wake up.[break][break]

but you do wake up, you do go about your regular day, which far from interesting. there are classes, then you go home, and there is revision, there is homework, and your mother watches like a hawk. gold eyes, sharp talons.
she tells you that there is a wake to attend. you tell her that you do not care for the death of an old man; you had never liked your grandfather anyway. she laughs, and leaves you be.[break][break]

the third time you see the cat you spend hours debating their existence with them. three times is not quite enough to construe familiarity, but they are familiar in the way the road home is, slow, sure, unchanging. but you don't really like home, the cold marble floors, the severe white walls. you can't feel the earth beneath your feet. detached. lonely. d i s c o n n e c t.[break][break]

their eyes are sad. they are saying something. you don't notice, you don't hear.[break][break]

on the day galahad is thrown out -- and you use the words lightly. there is something about blood on the floor and the way he screams that makes being 'thrown out' and understatement. -- you see the cat again. they look at you, golden lantern eyes, snarls, 'change.'[break][break]

'do you want to end up like him?'[break][break]

you love luxury too much to say yes. [break][break]