There is a flash of disappointment in Percy's eyes, quickly hidden as he pulls her into a hug, but she knows what she saw, and it hits her like a lance of ice, seizing her lungs more than any vision ever could and sending a fresh wave of tears pooling in her eyes. She tries to fight them back, she really, truly does - but some battles are just too hard, and Ling has never claimed to be strong. Her shoulders shake and she leans into his arms, pressing her forehead against his chest while she tries to pull herself together.

She's a young, teenage romantic with dreams of the future - but even she is realist enough to see the writing on the wall, and she refuses to make Percy feel bad for it, she refuses. She might not be what he wants in a girlfriend, but she'll still try damn hard to be a good friend.

With a deep breath, she pulls away and wipes the tears away, offering her (ex-?)boyfriend a wobbly smile. There is defeat in his eyes, too, and somehow, she knows that realisation has set in for him too. They both know where this is heading, both feel it in their bones - but even now, Ling doesn't want to be the first to speak, doesn't want to be the first to set resignation into motion.

He leads her to a bench and they sit, side by side as if they were ( are ) still dating, and shadows from the foliage above play across their faces. There is a long stretch of silence, both of them lost in the narrative of their internal thoughts, before Percy once again proves he is the older, more mature one by finally addressing that which lies between them, heavy and sad.

She looks at him, and looks away. Nods. "...yeah." Her voice is quiet, small, lacking in the cheer and exuberance normally associated with everything she does. "... are you going to break up with me?" she asks quietly, eyes fixed on the play of sunlight at their feet. Selfish, it's such a fucking selfish question, she should have just done it herself, should have gathered her courage and spared him the pain, but... she just.. can't.

Too young, too small, too lost. She feels adrift, alone, and she has no one but herself to account for. But maybe that's just growing up.

r i p

— ASHNIRAI ♥ ♥ ♥ —

There is another pause, a moment suspended in time that weighs heavy with emotion on their shoulders. She glances up in time to see him close his eyes, and looks away again. Yeah... resignation tastes both bitter and sweet, like their first kisses, that first spark, and like the emptiness inside her while she forever chases after the feeling of not being alone. But she understands, she really does, she tells herself and almost believes it.

She's supposed to stop loving Percy when they break up. When it's over. She hurts, yes, she hurts and aches in a way she's never felt before, but... she still loves him, and she doesn't know how to stop. But it's the end, and she knows it, accepts it. She just needs to... grow up, move on.

He reaches for her hands. Grips them. His hands are soft, warm. She looks at him, looks at his eyes, and she still loves him. "I loved you," he says, and it's a goodbye, past tense, the end of their chapter. She knows this, she knows this; but her heart still believes in a story written in the present, still loves like it cannot yet process when her mind knows, and she wants to reach out for him, wants to be with him still.

She still loves him. But she know's it's over. "I'm sorry," she says, and smiles as bright as she can manage. "I... hope you find someone that makes you happy, one day."

r i p

— ASHNIRAI ♥ ♥ ♥ —

She started this day really happy, y'know, where her biggest worry was not knowing what to wear for this date. She started this day with a heart full of stars and eyes to the sun, a loving boyfriend and a date to be had, happiness glowing in her veins and dreams to chase. And she still has most of them, still has her stars and the sun and her future to pursue, she knows this, knows that most relationships at her age aren't lasting ones, knows that this is normal, that this is one of the better case scenarios; she knows it intellectually, but it doesn't stop the hurt.

But she shoves it down and smiles through it anyway, because damn if she makes it worse for Percy, Percy who has his dream too, who didn't mean to end it this way either, Percy who looks at her with something like guilt or sadness, who deserves to be happy too. "Hey," she says, poking him in the arm even when her heart quakes; just because they're over, doesn't mean they can't be friends, right? "Hey, don't say that. We had good times while we were together, and just 'cause we're not meant to last, doesn't mean the happiness we had together was invalid. I don't regret it, y'know? 'Cause you're a good person, Percy, and I'm glad I got to know you."

She even manages a genuine laugh at the memory he brings up, shaky as it is. "That was ages ago, I can't believe you still remember." A small pause, a small sniff, and she looks up at the sky before looking back, turning to face him properly. "We've come a long way, haven't we," she says softly. Her face still feels wobbly, but her voice is clear, and she smiles at him with sun in her hair and shiny eyes. This time, it's a smile goodbye.

"I think I should go," she says, soft and light and bright, because she is certainly not going to burst into tears in front of Percy, he doesn't deserve that and neither does she. "Just- just keep chasing your dream, 'kay? I believe in you, Percy."

And in a swirl of skirts and afternoon sun, she's gone.

r i p

— ASHNIRAI ♥ ♥ ♥ —