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Bunny Boy

shotgunned cans like flowers, drink yourself to death

Asa was born to a poor family with an alcoholic as the head of it. Mornings were the worst of all, the monster would awaken and thrash anything he could get his hands on. The first thing it often saw would be the beaten body lying next to it on it's bed. By the evening, everything would be normal, for Asa's sake. He was more than happy to go and grab his father any bottle he desired for it meant that he would stop hurting them, which meant he wouldn't be punished. While feeling sorry for his mother who had locked herself in the confines of their small, shabby property he began to despise her for when his father would leave, she would attack his sister, and as Asa grew older she would begin to deliver blows to him as well. His life was the epitome of an ouroboros, and at the age of five he cared for no one but his older sister, the one who was his knight in shining armor.

She was smart and would go to school during the day, leaving Asa to fend for himself for five hours. He worked hard to do what was expected, feared the hawk eyes his mother had. If he did everything correctly then she would not scream and shout or punish him, instead she would lecture. He was never ever supposed to be like his father. His father was a horrible person, don't you agree? He doesn't really love you, all he loves and cares about is beer. You can't love someone who can't love you. You don't love him right? Who do you love more, me or the ugly, horrible man? I do everything for you, look at my arms, my face, my back. All of this is for you, I do all of this for you and your sister. I do everything, everything, everything. Asa would let her cry, fidgeting, just wanting to be away. Once his sister came home then he could be free, she always protected him the best.

watch you fall asleep alone, pissing the bed

It wasn't that Asa cared about his father, at the root of it all, he was the issue while sober. But it felt good when his father would pat him on his back, calling him 'my son' or 'my boy' and sitting right beside him as they ate dinner. It was hard, there was such a distinction in who his father was depending on his sobriety, and whenever his father was sober, Asa didn't want to be around. His sister never made much sense when it came to his father needing to stop drinking, why stop him when that was when his father was at his worst?

At ten, Asa was no longer allowed to sleep in his sister's bed. His mother told him it was inappropriate now, and forced him to sleep with his father. Together in that room, if he peeked up past his father's frame he could see his sister staring straight ahead, watching the drunk man sleep off his high. When she would see Asa staring at her she'd smile and motion for him to go to sleep. She was his eternal knight, knowing that she would stay up and watch, make sure that Asa was never one to get hurt, he could sleep. For awhile. Mornings became unbearable, his sister sacrificing her wellbeing over and over while their mother would just yell and shout. She never told the monster stop, just not to leave bruises. It was no surprise to the three of them when he didn't listen.

lock me up inside you where everything dies

Asa started going to school instead of his sister, the one who had the booksmarts, the ambition, the drive and curiosity. She locked herself in the cage they all called home because she couldn't show herself around time, the stares of pity a sick reminder that humanity did nothing if it didn't directly deal with them. At school Asa had no need to socialize, yet he was pulled in by the local group of boys who accepted him as long as Asa kept to the image of a boy who had nothing wrong in his life. After school he'd often hang out with them, ignoring his mother and sister altogether and returning when his father was nicely happy with his alcohol. His homework wasn't much of a priority although his sister would make it so that they would study together. Even with his father drunk though, something was changing inside him that Asa couldn't understand.

His father wanted to start spending time with him once he'd come home, pulling him from his sister's maternal grasp and teaching him 'how to be a man.' These lessons involved his father clumsily chopping word, brandishing the axe sloppily, teaching Asa how to use the dull object. An item that to Asa was so boring and contrived he couldn't really be bothered with it. Everything had a focus on the masculine chores, how to be tough, what to do if something broke. Often it was his father breaking things and then Asa and his sister fixing it later through trial and error. Asa didn't wish to spend this time with his father but his father was adamant about such a thing, all the while bad mouthing both his sister and mother. It was them against the women, the men couldn't lose now could they? His father began to tell him things, horrible things about his mother and sister, and soon Asa couldn't decipher the lies, the manipulation or the truth. He was told to not be like his dad, but then his dad was telling him to grow up and be a strong man just like him, blaming his drinking issue on his mother, on his sister and even a bit on him.

haunting me like a ghost that’s never known a body. you can’t have mine

He was fourteen now. Puberty was hitting Asa like a truck, muscle encasing his frame, his height skyrocketing, hair beginning to cover his body and his voice getting deeper. Out of all the boys, Asa's growth was the greatest, and he often would use intimidation factors to get what he wanted from those around school. He felt like he was a man now, he felt like now he could earn his keep and protect his family. The thought was put to the test sooner than expected. One evening he came home, expecting his father drunk and for the most part harmless. That was not the case, his father still sober because all the bottles had been hidden from him, or smashed, the alcohol, his medicine, all gone. The monster was still around and angry. His mother was on the ground and Asa came at the most opportune time, running and pushing his father away from her. He was a traitor now to the monster, he was on the women's side.

Despite the muscle that Asa had gained, he was overpowered when his father grabbed the beloved axe of his. The scar down Asa's face is from this fight. Now he himself on the ground, awaiting the blow from the axe, he didn't expect his sister to come and try to grab the tool out of his father's hand. She lacked the strength even Asa couldn't muster. He ruined her face but in that time Asa recovered, and with his mother's help, restrained his father. His idea was just to restrain him, tying him against the tree so he could tend to his sister. She was missing teeth, her eyes swollen shut, nose and jaw broken. He carried her inside and when he came back outside neither his mother nor father was alive. They were now orphans, his sister and him, and Asa couldn't help but to prefer it.

you’d cut off your nose just to spite your face

just to serve it to me on a silver tray

shoot yourself in the head

just to spray the guts on your baby portraits

flowerbeds and altars made out of bottles and vomit

no i don’t love you anymore

He wanted to die, he deserved to be erased from this world. He was just too much of a coward to actually do it himself, and his familiar wouldn't allow him to die either. Asa couldn't see how it was selfish, everyone he loved and cared about had left him or was dead, he was a monster. He would travel all over to find the tears of Earth that monsters apparently came through, yet each one was was dormant. He would travel along unsafe roads hoping for bandits to rob him, beat him to death. He tried everything he could think of, but everything was useless, just as him. He couldn't starve himself, couldn't do anything to harm his being when the going got tough. He was weak, and he hated it. It was through this weakness that what happened throughout his life happened, and as much as Asa hated to admit such a thing, he was the catalyst for all the horrible, traumatic mishaps. He played a role, whether through being passive or for taking the wrong course of action, through treading the path he knew was wrong, through his sloth, his pride, his greed, his gluttony, his lust, his wrath, his envy. He had no excuses, and he was a sorry excuse for the hero he dreamed of being.

He only came to Sundial because a member of the Helios Knights found him passed out on the road, and from their charity nursed him back to health. Even for being horrible, people still helped him. He was a man with a death wish and yet death eluded him everywhere he went. The idea of joining the Helios Knights came from the kind traveler, especially after the traveler mentioned that they often took care of monsters that came too close to the boundaries if they were a high level witch. This was the release he was looking for, a dangerous mission that would guarantee his death. He was a man who loved abuse, he needed and deserved it. The Helios Knights was a perfect fit.